on the bus, on the way home from spinning, i realised what it was that i was missing.

a good old fashioned ego-boost.

I've now been unemployed for just over 4 weeks. The lack of mental stimulus is driving me round the bend, so i'm reading Michael King's Penguin History of NZ. As i'm not so fussed with flora and fauna and such, i began from the political bits. it's fascinating! Makes me want to go back to 5th form history classes.

But that doesn't quite hit the spot. Couldn't figure out why. Until the bus trip. The major thing missing when not working is any sense of achievement. I don't feel like i'm working towards anything, more meandering aimlessly with my eye on some vague blur in the distance. I haven't overcome any major challenge, i haven't had any serious deadlines, there hasn't been any opportunity to give myself a quiet pat on the back for a job well done even if noone else noticed. 

With sewing and knitting i'm so self-critical i never feel completely satisfied with a project once it's done. 

So, not quite sure how to fix this one. I figure recognising it is the first step.